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Dispatches From Vacay

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The view from the scene of the crime.

Babies don’t appreciate hangovers, and I find that rude. You would think at this point in the evolutionary chain that something would have happened to fix that. If we can lose our tails and walk upright, why can’t we train our children to sleep until 10:00 and make us a damn breakfast burrito?

Also, I need to get something out of the way.

Dear elderly residents of the Estero Beach Club,

I am sorry about last night.


Me and my boobs.

There is a group of six women in the condo below us, and we all bonded (got drunk) at the pool and then once it got dark we moved the party to our balcony. Where, apparently, we drank Busch Light and American Honey and smoked ciggies and talked very, very loudly about our boobs, boobs jobs, and sex. Which sounds about right.

The problem is that the majority of the people here are elderly or families, and I’m going to assume they maintain a higher level of sobriety than we exhibited last night. So again, sorry.

Yes. Yes I am hungover. But I’m hungover in Florida, on the gorgeous beach of Ft. Myers, so things could be worse.

We started our trip in Ft. Lauderdale. Casey’s college roommate T.J. and his wife and daughter live there, so we popped on over for a weekend visit.

We did not let the fact that we were on vacation stop us from maintaining our journey to INSANITY. We still have been getting our workouts in every day.

See? Insanity isn’t that hard. A two year old can do it! That’s Josie. She is Jonesy’s new girlfriend. They are in love. She works out.

Jones also discovered that he loves fingerpaints.


We rented a car and drove from Ft. Lauderdale to Ft. Meyers. I was very, very excited to be driving through the infamous Alligator Alley. I was all like, hell ya, I’m going to see some alligators.

Turns out, you don’t see any damn alligators. They were hiding, or sleeping, or they have gotten bored with terrorizing drivers, or whatever. They weren’t out at all, so really it was just driving through an hour and a half of nothing. I was so let down.

Then we get here, and well, you know. You know, and most of the people in the condo know. And they probably hate us. It’s going to be an awkward day at the pool.

Yours in hangovers,



4 responses »

  1. Trust me. They enjoyed the boobs.

  2. You have to drive on the road south of Alligator alley (41) …and then take the “old route”(which is a right turn going west to east look on the (paper) map off of 41-it makes a u off 41 and back to it…) huge alligators right by your car door….and a Deliverance feel, too.

    Of course, just visit some fresh water wherever you are—you are bound to find one


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