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Off My Chest – The Facebook Edition

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I don’t know how to say this nicely so I’m just going to come out and say it – Facebook sucks. It has jumped the shark, gone the way of neon and legwarmers, had a fat lady singing, whatever colorful phrase you want to use to describe something that used to be fun and relevant but has now been overrun by the digital equivalent of crazy cat ladies and paste eating conspiracy theorists, all armed with absolutely no sense of humor and a someecard account.

Let’s address the major culprits one at a time.

SOMEECARDS (or anything remotely resembling a someecard). If you have a Facebook account you have seen them. You’ve seen hundreds if not thousands of them. Today. They are ridiculous post card- type things meant to look like what would happen if a slightly gifted middle school art student made pencil renderings of all the characters in a Dicken’s book and then let grown up people with too much time on their hands write shit on them.

Very, VERY rarely one will come up that’s chuckle worthy, but you know what? I can’t laugh. Because all I can think about is stabbing the person who posted it. We’ve all been tempted. We’ve all had our mouse hovered over the ‘share’ button, thinking, ‘You know what? This one is actually funny.’ Admit it.

The worst offenders are the ones who preface it by saying, ‘I know that these aren’t usually funny, and I normally never post them, but I just had to share’. STOP IT. Stop it now. You’re part of the problem.

If I were Mark Zuckerberg (in between laughing about how rich I am and bathing in champagne) I would make my programmers work around the clock to remove the ‘share this on facebook’ option from that site. It is the single biggest reason Facebook sucks now.

Followed by anything asking you to ‘like’ something because then something is going to happen. My personal favorite (and that actually sparked my Facebook rage) was this:

If this post can get a MILLION likes, my dad is going to stop doing drugs. 

Really? Do you really think that’s true? Maybe. If you were on DRUGS. How did that convo go?

Kid – Dad. DAD. Put down the pipe. We need to talk.

Dad – *exhales* *blows crack smoke rings in kid’s face* What is it, son?

Kid – Dad. I really, REALLY, like really want you to stop doing drugs. What can I do to make you see it’s wrecking our family, you’re health, my childhood? You are very, very likely making me almost incapable of having a normal adulthood. What’s the ONE THING that I can do to get you to stop?

Dad – One million likes on Facebook. Or it ain’t happening.

NO ONE DOES THAT.

Or how about ‘share this if you remember’ shit.

Age Test: If you remember these two skaters, and why they were in the news, click “Like”
Age Test: If you remember these two skaters, and why they were in the news, click "Like"

Like ·  · Share · 286,03316,0079,032 · July 10 at 11:59pm · I could give less than one shit if you remember Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan. Hit me up when you got something to share on Jeff Gillooly. Now THAT I want to know about.

Can we also please, PLEASE stop it with the long, rambling inspirational quotes. Do you know anyone who has ever been inspired by reading one of those? ANYONE? Go ahead. Ask all your friends. I’ll wait.

No one? I didn’t think so.

I don’t think I even need to touch on Farmville/Mafia Wars/Any game you can play on Facebook, ever, or ads. I think we can collectively agree as a civilized society that they suck. But, they are also easily avoidable. Just don’t click or play. They aren’t assaulting your eyeballs every time you want to check to see how many people ‘liked’ your last post.

It’s not ALL bad. There are still things I love about Facebook.

Pictures of your kids – believe it or not, I truly like watching your kids grow and change. I don’t get to see all of you a lot, and most of you are my friends and family. This is the only chance I get to see the little munchkins, so post away.

Pictures of your vacation – I am only saying this because I post a lot of mine. Just kidding! I like your’s too! It’s totally working! I will turn to Casey and say, ‘Sweetie? Did you see this! Megan is camping again! We need to camp. They look like they’re having fun. Also. They clearly aren’t home. Let’s go use their hot tub!’

Funny updates – some of you really make me chuckle.

Relevant updates – there are a lot of current events out there, and some of you have very compelling and things to say about them. Thank you for making me think.

The ability to promote your blog – cause duh.

Arab Spring.

Facebook can be a powerful tool. For something that started out as a way to check out the hot freshman in the dorm across the quad, it’s come along way. I will stick around to see what happens next, but just know that if you post a someecard, I am judging you.

Yours in Twitter, Where It’s Safer,

Bethany

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141 responses »

  1. WOAH. Sorry about posting the ecard about looking good naked. (Oh, and today the post about the Muppets supporting gay marriages. I’m such a democrat.)

    But seriously, I agree. I love anything personal people share, but when it’s the constant LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME I want to stab people. Yes. I see you there, now I don’t. It’s that fancy hide button, you see that?

    Oh, and yes. Vodka is considered water. Especially in Russia.

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  2. This is why I love you. And you realize, don’t you, that I have to “share” this blog on my FB page?

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  3. Cheers!! I heartily support you & am happy I subscribe to the newsletter 🙂

    I would also like to add the constant updaters to the list of offenders. No one wants a play by play of your entire day. I promise. I’m not that interested in my OWN life, least of all yours.

    My other HUGE pet peeve and there are THREE in my timeline (I know, I should ignore them, but I don’t) are the ones that type like this…Apparently the only form of punctuation they know is the ellipsis…They use this in place of commas…periods and all other forms of punctuation…I do not see how they can go back and reread their updates and not SEE how…well…ridiculous it looks….Drives me BONKERS…

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    • I wish there was a way to heart that comment. Cause I would. Twice.

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      • First of all, completely agree with all the stuff you dislike about Facebook, and the stuff you hate, Bethany. I also love to see my friends’ kids growing up, and seeing them on vacation. And I do want to know if someone is seriously sick, or just got a promotion.
        But as Mindy said, if they send updates every hour on what they are doing at the moment, that can be irritating as hell.
        I now use Facebook once a month. It just zaps too much of my time, and is a major information overload.

    • And these things~~~~What the heck are these things?~~~~And why do people separate their sentences with them?!~~

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  4. Oh, it’s the smarmy, “inspirational” quotes that make me want to smash things. When I see these, I devise the most wicked, mean-spirited comeback I can muster, and then crush it in my mind-vault (thanks, Jack Donaghey) because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

    That’s what these things do to me… inspire ulcers.

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  5. It seems worse now, during election season, when so many people have to post really mean — and usually error-filled — bumper sticker political attacks. I have felt myself sucked into the debate and have had to stop myself from taking the bait. I make the mistake of thinking it’s a discussion when it’s really a cock fight. Nobody is changing anybody’s mind on the other side. It’s just a bunch of shouting and mean-spirited pot shots.

    Then there’s Pinterest, whatever that is.

    I agree with you. I see a big Facebook drop off coming in the next year. But I wonder if something has to replace it, or if people will just fade off in different directions.

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    • Hopefully everyone will come to my blog and we can all chat here in peace!

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    • Please elections…come quick and be over!

      I guess I discovered something and it is about my Facebook pals. I never knew that some of them must spend all day stewing over Obama or Romney. They spend their whole day waiting until work ends so they can launch their opinion into every situation and photo on Facebook.

      “Wonderful picture of your baby! I see his hair parts to the right…like me! Can’t wait to get Obama out of office!”

      Well, it has become easier to play “Find the Tool.”

      And you are right carpetbagger…trying to engage in a two-way conversation is futile.

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    • I’m 10,000% behind this comment. Something about Facebook makes people hateful and ignorant. I may have to take a Facebook sabbatical until the election is over.

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  6. Go, Bethany! Those someecards –I didn’t know that was what they were called–are unoriginal crap, but apparently lots of people find them hilarious.

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  7. I heard someone say Facebook is where everyone tries to make their life look BETTER and Twitter is where everyone complains about their life… womp womp.

    Great post — you made me laugh!

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  8. LOL I’ve lately begun to despise Facebook as well, but mostly because I keep getting one person’s posts in my news feed. They post like every five fricking seconds about shit no one cares about. I discovered I can just get rid of their posts in my news feed without having to defriend them. Order has been restored.

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  9. I would add passive/aggressive political rants to the list. I laughed heartily at this post. I do not want to make SOMEECARDS out of it.

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  10. You literally took the words from my brain. Like, directly from it. Absolutely everything you said (minus the bit about Jeff Gillooley, cause who the fuck is that?) is exactly what I’ve been thinking. Bravo. *Golf Clap*

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    • Jeff Gillooley was Tonya Harding’s husband during the debacle, and some of their ‘honeymoon’ pictures made it to Penthouse. I would say Google it, but your eyes may burn out.

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  11. Woah, we should totally be Facebook friends, because I was JUST thinking about how I am SO sick of looking at those post cards, and posts commanding me to “like” something, or sappy inspirational stuff. I got on Facebook to stay in touch with people or reconnect with old friends. I don’t think anyone’s witty because they can hit share on a witty quote. I was just thinking about posting something about wanting to filter out all of these bumper sticker messages but I realized I would insult at least half my friends.

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  12. love this blog must admit i hate the like this post an this will happen ones derrr no one is going to pay for said operation it just dosent happen yet people still click that like button

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  13. angelasoelzerragosa

    I agree with you about the E-Cards, they really are annoying but I must confess that I do enjoy inspirational quotes, or maybe it’s the sentiment that’s behind anyone posting anything inspirational. I do believe they believe they may offer someone out there in fb land a lift in spirit. A desire to inspire others is admirable in my opinion on fb or in RL. Congrats on being Fressly Pressed!

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  14. Thank You! Thank You! … You also beat me too it! The Facebook rant that is! The worst one for me is the “… 99% won’t re-post this …” In other words “… your a scummy, low life, poop poking, unenlightened, self serving, narcissistic, pee-weed, if you don’t re-post this! – And your mean!” … yep. That’s me. 😉

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  15. I too, have the same pet peeves. Think sharing this on my FB wall will cause me to lose some friends? Oh well, I guess that’s a chance I’m going to have to take!

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  16. Oh My God. I could’ve written this. But not half as witty. Those SOMEECARDS? I thought I was the only person in America who hated those. And many of the people who share them are people I consider funny and unique-minded people — why? What’s wrong with me? But then again, there’s a reason that the section of Fresh Ink line of greeting cards (the wittiest line of greeting cards ever to be invented) keeps shrinking and shrinking in the Hallmark store, while the “Walking on Sunshine” musical card line section keeps growing and growing.

    Thank you. This meant so much to me.

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  17. Thank you times 1,000. Every time Twitter is down like it was today, I think Mark Zuckerberg orchestrated it. Facebook makes me dry heave.

    Congrats on Freshly Pressed!

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  18. Great post. If only more people thought like you…

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  19. You hit on all my beefs, I check it about every two weeks to see if some posted something important (LOL) or more frequently if my son is on a motorcycle trip and I want to make sure he’s still alive.

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  20. Completely agree. That’s why I shut down my account in December and haven’t looked back. I’m never going to see anyone I went to high school with ever again and don’t really want to so what’s the point? I had other reasons like the way the ability to communicate constantly takes away people’s REAL communication skills. Why talk about what kind of music I like when you can just look on my Facebook page and see my favorite artists? I never got into twitter either.

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  21. So glad to know I am not the only one who is simply not amused by the constant barrage of those stupid e-postcards. I know you are a sarcastic a-hole, putting it on a card with a picture, doesn’t make you seem less pessimistic. I think I have seen a total of 3 that were ever funny, and those 3 all related to the stupid things people do on facebook.

    If I may add to the list, my other hatred is the person who puts up 400 camera phone self portraits. At least put the toilet lid down in some.

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  22. Thanks so much, I thought I was the only one thinking negatively about facebook, games, comments, updates and so on! Like, all my friends are like “What do you mean? Facebook is soo great, the greatest thing ever!” I know, it is for keeping in touch with friends overseas, but what happened to the times when we just wrote birthday cards instead of posting on walls of people we’ve only ever met once in life? Facebook makes things so impersonal.

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  23. Hey Bethany, it’s Bethany. I think you are my evil but very awesome twin. Now,I have to say, the kid pic posts are getting out of hand on my end. I love the pictures. But do I need to see ur naked child full frontal in the bath tub? Aren’t there laws for tha to protect the children? Poor kids have no choice but to have their most vulnerable moments posted to the world.

    I would also like to tell Zuckerburg to have a mandatory training for people who are beginning to use the Internet and take everything personally. Lol. I can’t read comments to major news pages without going insane.

    Facebook=networking.

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  24. while i don’t mind pictures of people’s kids, i don’t need to see them before they are born. pregnancy photos are out of hand on my newsfeed. this should be private as it’s kinda gross.

    i also wish there was a way to avoid seeing what others think is funny or inspirational. i like internet memes too, but i don’t feel the need to hit share on everything i see on the internet.

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  25. utterlyprepossessing

    This made my day – thank you!!! I agree that Zuckerberg should take that team of his and at least give us the option of hiding people liking all this ridiculous BS. Not hiding the people, I still want to see your pictures, but I don’t need to know that you like Amazon and posted some annoying quote about your religion. Thank you…

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  26. Great post! Really funny

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  27. sorrysoverysorry

    What the Hell is FaceBook?

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  28. anaphoricelision

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who shares this opinion! I wrote a tongue-in-cheek piece about why and how sharing is get out of hand (http://thesubjunctive.wordpress.com/2012/05/30/so-youre-part-of-the-movement-dont-be-proud-not-a-linguistic-post/), but you worded my emotions so perfect…. I really do want to stab people posting those dumb someecards.

    Thanks for the entertaining post! Now, of course, I have to share this to all my Facebook friends. 😛

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  29. So there are only three things you hate about FB? God I have so many more…including the revolting inanity of most people’s posts.

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  30. Hit “Like” if you see your age here and your sister was raped by aliens from outer space before dying of cancer.
    “They clearly aren’t home. Let’s go use their hot tub.” Hilarious, and Facebook is probably being used by robbers this way, don’t you suppose?

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  31. LOL, it’s true. So true. Someecards are funny, but GAH when the newsfeed is cluttered with them, it’s exhausting. BTW, I shared your post to Facebook. 😉

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  32. That made me chuckle! More and more (previously vaguely sane) people on FB are talking in bumper stickers. It sucks. Now, ahem, read, listen and look at my multimedia autoblogography or I’ll probably kill you with cheap instagrams (or whatever they’re called).

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  33. If you feel this way about Facebook, for your own sake stay away from Pinterest 🙂
    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

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  34. This post is everything! I especially despise the “like if you love God and keep scrolling if you love the devil” ones. It takes a lot out of actually keeping updated on your facebook friends when they post less personal/ self related material and mainly post re-shares.

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  35. The pictures of sick children that will be saved if the picture gets a certain amount of likes or shares are the worst. People post those with generally NO permission from the parents, and it’s actually a ridiculously horrible thing to do.
    Somewhere there is a funny picture of a doctor staring at a screen, saying “C’mon Facebook, just a few more likes and I can save this child’s life!” Now that’s funny. To me.
    It’s like Facebook has turned into some strange x-ray that just shows me the most gullible, non-thinking, automatic, attention-seeking parts of the people I love.
    But since they also post pictures of their adorable freaking dogs…I guess I’ll keep checking it. 🙂

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  36. Bethany–if I may call you that–you kill me. I’m reminded of the article I wrote a while back about my Facebook experiences. To this day, I’m still happy I don’t have one.
    Here’s looking at you, kid.
    Oh, if you’re wondering why I called you a kid, that’s a famous quote from the movie Casablanca.

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  37. Nice post, and I already press “LIKE”, can I “Share” it? 🙂

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  38. Great post! I hate when people tag me in pictures I’m not in, like a pair of shoes or some kind of inspirational photo for a cause I’m involved me. No, that’s not me and you are being defriended now. o

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  39. I hate those damn someecards.

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  40. I’m glad that there is an option to not show some friends NEWS feeds on my timeline. Friends who are flooding definitely will be removed from my newsfeeds, except for my mom, she’s exempted, but she can get real “enthusiastic”. 😉

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  41. it’s the smarmy, “inspirational” quotes that make me want to smash things.

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  42. Every time I scroll down my fbook history and spy a photo of a kitten beside artificial dialogue (as opposed to real dialogue?) photoshopped in, I accidentally picture the person who had time to put it together and put forth the effort to make it go viral. I bet she wears scrunchies and says things like, “Epic fail!”

    Funny post, Bethany!

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  43. I agree, I refuse to hit “LIKE” for a shared picture with 24,123 other likes.
    I enjoy the inspirational quotes if they aren’t too long.
    I tried to use google+ but since most people were on Facebook, the few people that were using it that I knew were posting the same things in both places. Eventually I gave up on it.

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  44. I’m with you. Too many ads, too. And although the enhanced privacy settings and friend lists come in handy, even the creeper aspect of Facebook has vanished, haha. I can’t even spy on my kids any more. The fun is gone. Yet I still have an account…

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  45. Love this! Can we add “status updates that are incredibly passive aggressive and also say absolutely nothing AT THE SAME TIME” to this list? I swear I saw some version of this the last time I went online:

    “some people….just … wow.”

    Seriously, what does that even mean?!?!?

    All ranting aside, congrats on getting Freshly Pressed, btw 🙂

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  46. Yes, yes, yes and YES!

    Great post

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  47. My whole newsfeed is inspirational quotes and those damn cards! I need new fucking friends! You missed the part about all the old high school sweethearts from the 80’s refucknecting. Only to realize, after leaving their marriage, it was the big hair they were attracted to after all. You had me at your graphic! LMFAO! Really.

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  48. Those inspirational quotes really make me want to gag. Enough already. Great post!

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  49. I was grinning through the first half. I would have to strongly agree how annoying those kind of posts are.

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  50. I didn’t really use to like facebook, I mean yeah sure I did back in 2006/2007 but then farmville came around and I was all like HOLY SHIT if I get one more farmville invitation, I will set your farms on fire! but that shit’s good for contests and stuff!

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  51. Thank God I’ve never registered on FB.
    My wife has, and I look at her FB about once every 2 weeks for about 10 minutes.
    I reckon I’m “time rich”.

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  52. Oh my gosh!! My thoughts exactly! It drives me nuts that people think it’s a good idea to “like” and share these things. Give me something real!

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  53. So this is so true I don’t even get on Facebook on a regular anymore because it has been congested with so much unnecessary junk. I visit every blue moon. I wish it would go back to the original Facebook. *sighs* wishful thinking, right!?

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  54. To add to the list:

    1) Lyrics of songs
    2) having names done with special characters ( like Sam as $@m, etc. )
    3) Using smsLingo even when typing on the keyboard ( one of my fb-friend uses cuming instead of coming, every time)

    And then are the people liking all their statuses!

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  55. You really find Twitter safer? I feel like Twitter is as though a bag of fortune cookie fortunes was dumped on your lap and you’re trying to sift through all of them for anything relevant or entertaining, but more keep raining down on you by the hour.

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  56. How very true!!!!!Facebook has become one helluva irritating place because of all those”likes” obsessed statuses no matter how stupid,senseless or plain out of the common sense they are!!!
    Congrats on being freshly pressed!!

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  57. Haha! I feel you! FB annoys me so much! Especially when people start posting things like what they had for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Gosh!

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  58. Love this — and so glad I’ve found your blog via Freshly Pressed!

    I would add one more annoying one, and I know it might wrong to be annoyed by it but I’ll say it anyway because I’m snarky like that: those stupid work-out/weight loss updates! Maybe I just feel like a lazy bum for not working our and/or losing weight, but do people know it is possible to go to the gym and NOT tell everyone on facebook? New rule: if you post every time you weigh in and have lost weight, you must post your actual weight. I bet that would nip that in the bud.

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  59. Another pet peeve – the people who think that because I have cats and love posting pictures of my cats that I also want them to post random cat pictures on my wall. No, I do not think every cat on the Earth is cute. Nor do I want them cluttering my FB.

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  60. I agree with you in every single point except one. The quotes part. There are, actually, many inspirational and wonderful quotes in there. Quotes which I have never heard about but are actually good! But I agree with you wholeheartedly on the like part! I have found such stupid like stuff. Not only in Facebook, but also in Youtube. If there is one song video, then on the comments ‘If the likes are more than 60, then I will sing this song to my girlfriend’ WTF? Really! Why would I want you to sing this song to your girlfriend? It’s getting so stupid and idiotic day by day. Anyways, congrats on being Freshly Pressed.

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  61. Also: when you like a page or group because it’s funny/reminds you of the past – and then IT spams your news feed with all those things above. It’s bad enough when your friends do it, ridiculously frustrating when a random page clogs up your entire Facebook with pictures of kittens and sick children (pardon me for not clicking on this, but sharing it isn’t going to prove that I care to anybody!)

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  62. Everyone here seems to be reading my thoughts. The constant barrage of fluff makes me gag. Though Facebook has been a valuable tool for me as well. After nine months of research I found family in Italy. It has been a wonderful way to connect with and get to know them better until I can get there in person. ( 2013 ) I also have a sister on the other side of the country, I enjoy that connection also.
    I check Facebook long enough to see who’s doing what and then I’m gone. Rarely do I post because frankly my life just isn’t that interesting.

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  63. hahahaha! I love the ‘Yours in Twitter, Where It’s Safer’. I sure hope it stays that way.

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  64. Bethany, great to meet you here. You’re so right and you’re a hoot! I look forward to reading more of your posts. BETHANY FOR PRESIDENT! Have a beautiful day. Michele

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  65. You are so right about facebook! It is a useful to me to keep in contact with my friends and family who are spread all across the globe. I do, however, get fed up of inspirational messages. They merely make me perspire,swear and go to the pub. Not all bad then I suppose…..!

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  66. Even blog promotion is sliding downhill. Unless we pay to promote it, our post won’t appear in most people’s feeds. Which is making Facebook a total waste of time now. Pardon me while I go tend my farm.

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  67. Couldn’t agree more
    hate people who post just to get likes and shares – real stupidity

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  68. i like this blog so much…..

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  69. Even more annoying than that is the constant ‘I love you!’ updates, it’s almost as if people need everyone to know their together to make it real. To me it makes it shallow.
    I agree though that family and holiday updates are nice to look at and I agree with Mindybakes about…the ellipsis…all…the time…

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  70. Bethany, you are my new hero.

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  71. I completely agree! I hated it so much when people on Facebook started those ‘My dad will buy me a car if 1 million people like this’ rubbish that I quit Facebook and haven’t been on it for about a year. This post says everything that others are too scared to say. Thank you!

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  72. I shared this on my Facebook page, too. How could I not??

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  73. Love. This. Post! I was just actually having this conversation with a friend a few weeks back about how stupid Facebook has got. Ive thought about defriending half my contacts b/c of the same exact things you write about in your post. Keep up the good work!

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  74. What used to kill me was the e-mail petition. Let’s say you did add your name to the list and then forward it to 20 people. You’re only creating more permutations of the petition; there could end up being 1 million versions of the same list with no two exactly alike. And then what’s supposed to happen? They final came up with “The 10,000 signer will forward to this address…”

    It started with email; some people sit up late nights trying to figure out how to get all of us to copy/forward/share. I don’t know what they win if we all do. And no, facebook is not donating 3 cents per share/forward of anything; I’m tired of seeing this lie under pictures of sick kids. What is wrong with people?

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  75. Haha I Deactivated my Facebook Account, too much nonsense on it these days or maybe I just don’t have much in common with the people I knew from years back anymore! Things Change!

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  76. amen! thank you for speaking the truth! my freshman year of college was the inception of facebook and it started out as a tremendous joke. now people take it so seriously it’s unbelievable and I CAN’T STAND IT! you need to write a manifesto. i’m behind you all the way!

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  77. I love this. Couldn’t have said it better myself. If I could ban one more thing from Facebook, it would be the ability to post an endless stream of self-portraits / random pictures of the food you’re eating. My “unsubscribe” button is getting a lot of mileage these days.

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  78. funny 🙂 always the good and bad with the internets. Now Pinterest… there’s my most recent addiction.

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  79. 5 years ago my sister gave me Christmas someecards in a BOOK as a gift! i used them to write recipe cards as Christmas gifts…They were funny then but now im dying in the volume of less than funny cards posted…. Many people have been removed from my newsfeed for this very reason. i appreciate sharing in the bits of people’s lives so thanks facebook for that. i had a great laugh reading your post! have an awesome day!

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  80. Perfectly said!!! Like you, I did not join FB for to see all these cards, old stuff (yes I do remember and many times would love to forget!), etc. I joined to keep in touch with people that I don’t see on a regular basis and to see what is going on in their lives. Doesn’t seem much of that is posted anymore.

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  81. Love this and had to share on FB. I rarely follow blogs that aren’t food related, but here goes…

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    • I talk about food sometimes! FOR INSTANCE! I made homemade pizzas last night and am totally blogging about it.

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  82. Totally agree- 2 pet peeves for me are quotes and random game requests!

    Great post!

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  83. you have inspired me to stab the next person who shares with me on FB.

    My favorite?! timeline says it like 3am and the note says “can’t sleep” no shit your typing lay down fool

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  84. Promoting blog or charitable cause … duh is right. This is why I have an account. I do throw a short quote on their every now and then. But not a rambling paragraph or two or three.Waaaay to much for anybody to pay attention to or care about in general. I normally don’t answer people. But don’t want to seem like a total biiioootch! I did recently post big moments in U.S.A Olympic history. Bruce Jenner 1976 gold win, 1972 Mark Spitz 10 gold medals and Greg Louganis 1988 comeback. I think these are significant in history and show drive and belief in yourself and a dream achieved.

    Reply
  85. Oh my word, so funny and so, so true! Awesome job. The hottub line made me snort. And congrats on the FP!

    Reply
  86. Sing it, sister!
    I also hate the slightly out-of-focus photos of some random scene, with the quotes written over them. GO AWAY!

    Reply
    • I saw one of those with a blurry picture of two dogs humping and the quote was simply the words, “I bet you thought this was an inspirational quote, and don’t even notice the dogs in the background.” No, I noticed the dogs first, which annoyed me, but then reading the actual words annoyed me even further. Point taken, of course, but no less annoying than the original. 😦

      Reply
  87. FB. Yes. “Repost this if you love your children!” I would see that in my feed and actually feel small pangs of guilt. Yes, I love my kids. Hell no, I’m not going to post this. My kids may hurt me if I do, and with all the righteous indignation they’re entitled to if their mother is that obnoxious. Or “share and this child won’t have cancer anymore!” I wondered if someone actually thought I wanted the child to have cancer if I didn’t share it.

    Some of the someecards struck me as funny, I’ll admit, but at some point all of those ecards, and demotivational posters, and memes, etc. made me feel like, good God, as a society have we become so collectively mediocre in our interior mental landscape that we are given freedom to broadcast our innermost selves to the world and ALL that comes out is, “I sure hate Mondays!” and “Wow, hangovers suck.”

    Then the people constantly changing relationship status, judging other parents, bashing other people’s ideologies/faiths/lifestyles, and the cats…. the endless pictures of cats.

    Oh, and zombies may be the new ninjas, but just for the record, the ninjas weren’t as funny as everyone thought they were, either.

    Signed, Also Hiding on Twitter

    Reply
  88. Great post, Bethany. You’re too funny! I agree with everything you’ve said, it all drives me crazy too. Those things and cryptic status updates that beg you to ask “what’s wrong/happened”? Just say it or don’t say, no need to be a grade 7 drama queen here.

    Congrats on Freshly Pressed!

    Reply
  89. Sadly, it seems as though there’s some “hidden” contract to Facebook which obliges you to put up with the crap your friends post, and in return they put up with the crap you post. But I stopped posting a while back. Yeah, I still have my page for my blog, and a few “fan pages” I co-admin – but the regular Facebook timeline, nope to much crap.

    Like you, we’re enjoying pictures of a recent new born of some friends of ours, but most of the rest is just crap. And Timeline is just about the final nail for me, it is really horrible that I can’t go to a friends wall and have more than a 20% chance of finding what I want because Facebook has deemed it “probably not important enough” for me to see unless I push two or three buttons (the correct buttons, in proper order or else the trap door opens).

    Sorry for the rant there. But it felt good. Twitter rules.

    Reply
  90. bratandbabybrat

    I fully agree, FB sucks. I only started using it to keep in touch with my family who moved out of Province. The next thing I find are all these people from grade school and junior high showing up as friend requests. Honestly, if I haven’t seen hide nor hair of you in 23 years, what the hell makes you think I want to now?!

    Forever the sucker, never wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings I accept. I accept people I don’t even know! My mother’s friends, whom I have never met, that want to see pictures of her grandchildren send friend requests (I truly have a huge problem with saying no).

    The newest crap filling up my newsfeed are trending articles from either Yahoo or SoCal. What is this crap? I don’t care who is reading what. Oh and let’s not forget the drama. I swear the producers these days have got it easy. Spend a day looking at the newsfeed of my account and you’ll find someone’s wife moving in with her male “friend” to take a “break” from their marriage complications, or someone else griping about how shitty their life is. Ugh! Life is what you make it, if you dont like yours then change 🙂

    I’d post your blog to my FB wall, but I’m afraid then my blog would be found by those I choose not to share it with (I too am on twitter, but no longer incognito. My sister-in-law has found me and started following me, which means no more freely tweeting about her :))!

    Congrats on being FP!

    Reply
  91. I was JUST talking about how all of those “Like if you hate cancer” etc posts are driving me crazy. Love your post, congrats on being Freshly Pressed.

    Reply
  92. The worst is when they put up a picture of a child who’s ill and caption it with “Like this status to save this little girl”. They’re just exploiting them for likes!

    Reply
  93. Pingback: Friday Five (Vol. 36) « Dolce Domum

  94. Geh, the inspirational ones are the worst… so cloying.

    Reply
  95. No wait. The WORST are the ones that end, “Most of you will not repost this because you’re ashamed of what others will think. Repost if you’re not ashamed of *insert cause here*”

    Reply
  96. Hahah..yes, and don’t forget the pokes! I still don’t understand what they are for apart from to grab your attention and then piss you off (especially when it’s some slimy dude with a really weird name..eeeww). Stop it.

    Reply
  97. Yvonne Michlele @Photecstasy

    This cracks me up! I love all the high school drama that follows my children long after they’ve graduated… NOT! As a parent, I’ve had to physically change my childrens’ passwords while they were in grade school and (currently) junior high… just so I wouldn’t have to listen to the DRAMA! When we graduated from high school, it was like “Adios! See you later, LOSERS!” My favorite is getting friend requests from people from high school that didn’t know I ever existed, but want to be my friend now because I’m cool & smokin’ hot. No thanks, that train left the station 20 years ago. I only use FB as a community for photographers, and to keep track of my children spread out everywhere. A little training, and I’d rather leave FB all together & land at G+. I am guilty of keeping my Sorority Life and Ghosts of Mistwood games on my FAKE FB page with my 3,000 friends just so I can advance faster. I confess, it can make a lonely Friday night go a bit quicker. Guilty as charged. FB is like that car accident you pass by… you can’t help but look, even though you’ve been screaming about how slow the traffic has been for the past 20 minutes. We’ll never break free until we all just say no to Facebook!

    Reply
  98. I love this post – and I totally agree with everything you said. Thank you! And congratulations on Freshly Pressed.

    (OK, I can see that the first sentence of my comment reads like the comments from odd URLs that land in my WordPress SPAM folder, except without the misspellings and bad grammar. Sorry about that, but I do mean what I said!)

    Reply
  99. charliecountryboy

    Love this so very funny, thanks

    Reply
  100. AMEN! The political crap is why FB sucks for me right now and the rest of the above too. I mean, I think most people know who they are voting for, so why do people need to blast it on my social media EVERY. SINGLE. DAY??? Great post.

    Reply
  101. Ironically, I’m about to share this on FaceBook.

    Reply
  102. I haven’t gotten a twitter yet, but some of the annoying things about facebook make me think I might enjoy it as a kind of change when I’ve had too much of the other. It was an engaging post, good job!

    Reply
  103. I’ve noticed a huge increase in the visibility of what people “like” and “comment” in my FB feed the last couple weeks. Even when I select “Unsubscribe to comments and likes” that shit still shows up. It’s driving me crazy, and I’m close to checking out of FB for awhile. I do agree on the reasons why you like FB, seeing the happenings of other people’s lives.

    Reply
  104. Another annoying thing is when people post vague statuses about how “today just sucks” or “I can’t believe some people :/” just for attention. Then, even worse, when there are people who actually enable them and comment “what’s wrong? :(((” and the person replies, “message me.” Really? If you insist upon forcing your drama on the rest of us, the least you can do is give us the details.

    Reply
  105. Great! I was thinking of venting in similar spirit (what gets me among else is the pictures of mutilated animals – my fb wall looks like a slaughter house ), but then i there is ’nuff rants on my blog as it is… But i must i am really glad you did and i did enjoy reading! Witty and well written, congrats!
    Best,
    Lena

    Reply
  106. Absolutely brilliant and to the point. The inspirational quotes and someecards points. I’m starting to use Facebook just to check for birthdays and then log out. Also liked your signing off 😀

    Reply
  107. I’m new on the Freshly Pressed scene and saw this post under mine on the WordPress page. Since you are a few days ahead of me on this rollercoaster ride, I have to ask. Will I ever recover? 😉

    Reply
  108. Agree a million times! So sick of FB and the someecards. More than that though are the New Direction related stuff that my cousins kids post 100 at a time. Argh.

    Reply
  109. You’ve just summed up all the reason why I deleted my Facebook account about a year ago. I think it all died just as soon as I accepted my family requests without knowing what the consequences are.
    I once decided to say ‘F*ck’ on a picture comment, and the next day, I received a private message from my mom which turned out to be a long lecture about cussing and how it makes her look bad. *epic face palm*
    Or even saying ‘Yes’ to a party that’s taking the place on the same day as the family BBQ party, and getting a massive lecture.

    Then, of course. The relentless jealousy-stalking after 4 glasses of wine (I hate myself for doing it, but what’s done is done). From what I have observed, a lot of people seem to compete with their peers and so-called ‘idols’ just to be the life of the party.

    I’m tired of it. Sick of it. I’ll stick to Twitter. Nothing personal, a literal challenge to express thoughts in 140 characters. Every writer needs a Twitter!

    Salutations,
    Evie

    Reply
  110. I promise. I’m not that interested in my own life,least of all yours.

    Reply
  111. thetenacityproject

    This is amazing. You have summed up every feeling I have towards Facebook. Great article.

    Reply
  112. I was just thinking today about how I’ve lost almost all interest in Facebook for some of these exact reasons + duck face pictures + constant weather/food/every-minute-of-someone’s-life status updates + my favorite… the poor-me status followed by someone asking what’s wrong followed by the ‘i don’t want to talk about it’ response… THEN DON’T POST IT ON FACEBOOK =

    I don’t know whether it’s me getting older and everyone else seeming more immature or Facebook is literally becoming a spam dump. Either way, Facebook and I are growing apart.

    Reply
  113. littlewavesblog

    My favourite are the posts that follow up with “share/repost this within 24 hours or everyone youve ever known will die”…

    Words cannot describe my dissapointment in people when I see that they have shared this “just in case”, I guess I dont have that part in my brain that says, this is so stupid – but I better do it anyway!

    Reply
  114. Great article! Loved reading about it because it’s so true.
    This used to happen to me a lot actually, until I went through some spring cleaning and deleted all my friends who posted about stupid things like the ones you mentioned. I suggest you do the same!!

    Reply
  115. Beautifully expressed. You’re right on all accounts; enjoyed the read! 🙂

    Reply
  116. Pingback: All About The Social Medias « Running On Wine

  117. Spot on and hilarious post. You took a pretty “even keeled” approach to lambasting Facebook, but if you ever need more ammunition on things to dislike about it… I made a list of reasons why Facebook has officially become some scary #%£* as a platform.

    http://21stcenturylovetriangle.wordpress.com/2012/05/16/why-facebook-officially-scares-the-out-of-me/

    Cheers!

    Reply
  118. Perfect capture of nearly everything that drives me nuts. I also hate the couples who want to be all schmoopie with each other on Facebook. “I have the most amazing husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/piece on call/whatever”. Bleck!! So annoying. And how I am going to make it through this election without the help of the good lord and cases of Malbec…

    Reply
  119. Fantastic post! This is all too appallingly true. I just happened to stumble onto this, and I’m glad I did (love the blog title, by the way). Looking forward to reading more from you!

    Reply

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