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Updates and Such – The Awwwww, Beep Beep Edition

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It’s my new car. It’s electric. Boogie Woogie Woogie.

My Jeep was in the shop so we used a rental car to make our trip to Rehoboth Beach. It was a revelation. As a couple who has two SUV’s, neither of which get more than 14 miles per gallon, the 31 mile per gallon Camry we used on the 7 hour drive was nothing short of a miracle.

Miracles:

Stigmata

Pirates winning season

Parting of the Red Sea

Fuel efficiency

We were hooked. Before we were even home it was decided, when we get the Jeep back, that sucker is getting traded in for a HYBRID. Oh yeah. I was going there. I was taking your insufferable liberal and seeing you one pretentious jack ass. And just when you thought I couldn’t GET more obnoxious, I went there.

That’s right. I bought an electric car.

That’s me and my new love, Usain. Usain Volt. We wear matching outfits EVERY DAY.

We did our research, test drove a few vehicles, and what can I say? When I saw Usain, it was love at first sight. I didn’t need a test drive, I didn’t need my financing options, I needed that car in my driveway. Now.

For all you car nerds who care about that sort of thing, it has an electric motor capable of driving 35 miles on one charge. After that, there is a 9 gallon gas tank and the gas kicks in to run a generator that keeps the battery going. You get roughly 93 miles per gallon, which is about a 687% improvement over my Jeep.

Aside from how hot and sexy my car is, there is also the shiver of absolute joy I got last night when I plugged it in. That’s right. I plug in my car at night. What do you do?

Yesterday was my first official day with my new car, and do you know what I did? I went and picked up my CSA box. I drove my electric car to pick up my CSA box while listening to NPR. And when I got home, I changed into my running clothes and ran. All I need now to complete my transformation into a crunchy liberal douchenozzle is an iPhone.

Speaking of crunchy liberal douchenozzles, it’s time to play Guess What’s in my Box!

It’s big, it’s fat, it’s purple. It’s not Barney… it’s a…

DELICIOUS EGGPLANT!

If you guessed eggplant, give yourself a high five and do a victory lap around the coffee table. Next up is something that would make you very happy if you were a cartoon bunny! THAT’S RIGHT!

Carrots! What’s up, Doc? Your betacarotene levels, that’s what!

If you guessed carrots give yourself 643 points and call Micheal Phelps. Tell him there’s a new champ in town and that champ is YOU. We also got the mother of all shaved slaw ingredients,

Red cabbage! It’s actually of a purple, and looks alarmingly like Seymour from Little Shop of Horrors, but ohhh boy is it tasty on fish tacos!

If you guessed red cabbage, you should think about your life, think about your choices. You’re reading a blog, probably in your underwear, and guessing various fruits and vegetables. And give yourself 43 points.

And finally, something no person in our family likes…

Here is Jones taking a bite out of some sort of small, yellow tomato, seconds before he realized that tomatoes are disgusting. I didn’t get that picture because I was laughing too hard.

Tomatoes are the worst, and if you like them, deduct 2,897 points.

Did I feel smugly superior, driving away with my locally sourced produce in my new Chevy Volt? Yes. Yes I did. But before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s also remember that I have a face full of Botox and some seriously fake tatas. I could wear all the black plastic framed glasses in the world, I could drink all of the soy lattes, I could give birth naturally and breast feed a small army, and I could still never totally achieve Def Com 1 Hipster Douchebag Status. And that’s okay. There are some contests I don’t care to win.

And that’s cool, too.

Yours in about to go hump my new car,

Bethany

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15 responses »

  1. That’s so funny. We’re on a trip right now but had to rent a car because ours suddenly needed to go in the shop. Our rental car is a hybrid and we love it!!! We’ve driven over 1,000 miles on two tanks of gas. We’re already thinking of buying one when we get back. (And our neighbor grows and gives us lots of eggplants. πŸ™‚ )

    Reply
    • I’m telling you, get one. I am overly excited about the fact that I have driven two days and used ZERO gas. SWOON!

      Reply
  2. well I see you like your car. Congrats! I am not sure in SOCAl and the horrible traffic it would go over well. Heck here we don’t go by miles to get some place we go by time!! I laugh when people ask me how many miles to place. well ir is 20 miles and takes 1 hour you do the math…. That is like here is SOCAL we have so much sunshine solar is great. But not so swell in cold climates.

    Reply
  3. Very cool on the new VOLT. I rented one for a weekend to try it out and my kids hated the back seat.

    Reply
  4. This whole post made me tingle down there!

    Reply
  5. I’ve only seen a few of those here, which is odd because we have a very large population of ultra-liberal douche-nozzles here in the greater DC area. Perhaps I’m not spending enough time at Whole Foods.

    But I digress. Cool car. Have you tried to take it on any trips longer than your commute yet? And did you have to upgrade the power supply in the garage for it? Or is that a Casey question? πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • I am taking it to Philly tomorrow, so I will let you know how that goes. And no, you can plug it right in to a three prong outlet. You can upgrade to a 240 line (or whatever you call it) but you don’t have to. Because it’s just that awesome!!

      Reply
  6. Awesome article. I thought I was the only non-crunchy who shopped at a food co-op and wants a Volt. Too bad we don’t live near Pittsburgh anymore!

    And to sound like the teenager I think I still am…how’s the stereo?

    Reply
  7. Pingback: How to Make a Loyal Customer for Life. For Realsies. « Running On Wine

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