My Jeep was in the shop so we used a rental car to make our trip to Rehoboth Beach. It was a revelation. As a couple who has two SUV’s, neither of which get more than 14 miles per gallon, the 31 mile per gallon Camry we used on the 7 hour drive was nothing short of a miracle.
Pirates winning season
Parting of the Red Sea
We were hooked. Before we were even home it was decided, when we get the Jeep back, that sucker is getting traded in for a HYBRID. Oh yeah. I was going there. I was taking your insufferable liberal and seeing you one pretentious jack ass. And just when you thought I couldn’t GET more obnoxious, I went there.
That’s right. I bought an electric car.
We did our research, test drove a few vehicles, and what can I say? When I saw Usain, it was love at first sight. I didn’t need a test drive, I didn’t need my financing options, I needed that car in my driveway. Now.
For all you car nerds who care about that sort of thing, it has an electric motor capable of driving 35 miles on one charge. After that, there is a 9 gallon gas tank and the gas kicks in to run a generator that keeps the battery going. You get roughly 93 miles per gallon, which is about a 687% improvement over my Jeep.
Aside from how hot and sexy my car is, there is also the shiver of absolute joy I got last night when I plugged it in. That’s right. I plug in my car at night. What do you do?
Yesterday was my first official day with my new car, and do you know what I did? I went and picked up my CSA box. I drove my electric car to pick up my CSA box while listening to NPR. And when I got home, I changed into my running clothes and ran. All I need now to complete my transformation into a crunchy liberal douchenozzle is an iPhone.
Speaking of crunchy liberal douchenozzles, it’s time to play Guess What’s in my Box!
It’s big, it’s fat, it’s purple. It’s not Barney… it’s a…
If you guessed eggplant, give yourself a high five and do a victory lap around the coffee table. Next up is something that would make you very happy if you were a cartoon bunny! THAT’S RIGHT!
If you guessed carrots give yourself 643 points and call Micheal Phelps. Tell him there’s a new champ in town and that champ is YOU. We also got the mother of all shaved slaw ingredients,
If you guessed red cabbage, you should think about your life, think about your choices. You’re reading a blog, probably in your underwear, and guessing various fruits and vegetables. And give yourself 43 points.
And finally, something no person in our family likes…
Tomatoes are the worst, and if you like them, deduct 2,897 points.
Did I feel smugly superior, driving away with my locally sourced produce in my new Chevy Volt? Yes. Yes I did. But before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s also remember that I have a face full of Botox and some seriously fake tatas. I could wear all the black plastic framed glasses in the world, I could drink all of the soy lattes, I could give birth naturally and breast feed a small army, and I could still never totally achieve Def Com 1 Hipster Douchebag Status. And that’s okay. There are some contests I don’t care to win.
And that’s cool, too.
Yours in about to go hump my new car,