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Yes, I’m Doing a Juice Cleanse. Now Can We Stop Talking About it?

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Just kidding! Let’s totally talk about it!


I’ve been doing a juice cleanse for the past 4 full days, and they way people are carrying on you would think that I’ve decided to switch to a dead bug diet. People’s reactions range from everything to ‘Why in the world would you do THAT?’ to ‘I would rather eat poop’ to ‘Can I borrow $20?’

I don’t know why anyone is shocked by this. I have been slowly morphing into a homemade granola making, organic-only shopping, non meat eating hippy. Ever since I decided to embrace natural child birth and buy an electric car, my path has been clear. And soon or later, ya, it was going to end in a juice cleanse.

And here we are.

I’ve been juicing for a few months now (and people, believe me when I say, I also think juicing is a particularly douchey word. But there really isn’t an alternative. If you think of one, by all means, let me know). Just here and there, mostly in the morning. It was cool. I liked it. It’s a great and fun way to get your veggies for the day if, like me, you aren’t in love with vegetables. I can choke down some broccoli, OR, I can juice the shit out of it with some kale, cucumber and apples. It just went from gross to something I could put vodka in, like THAT.

Last weekend my friend Shawna texted me and told me watch this documentary, Hungry For Change. So we did. And then we watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. And then Casey and I looked at each other and said, what the hell? Let’s go nuts and do a CLEANSE! Sounds fun.

We did some research online, and by that I mean clicked on the first search result when you type in ‘juice detox’. Turns out that Monday, January 7th was the beginning of the World’s Biggest Juice Detox! (Sidenote: I think the quantification for this statement is quite low. This means, what, they got 7, 8 people doing this?)

The 7th was in two days. It was like kismet! Let’s go produce shopping and DO THIS. And produce shop we did.

That's just one of the roughly 9 shopping trips we've made in 4 days. As of day 4 we're about $250 in.

That’s just one of the roughly 9 shopping trips we’ve made in 4 days. As of day 4 we’re about $250 in.

We spend all day Sunday giddily planning our 7 day juice cleanse. And stuffing ourselves with wine, booze, and Chinese food. Gotta have something to cleanse, amirite?

Monday morning hit, and you would have thought we were on our honeymoon. We were googley-eyed romantics in the kitchen, swapping nose kisses and feeling aglow in our soon to be good health. Then reality kicked in.

We were preparing  five 16 oz. juice servings a day for two adults, two servings of which had to be prepped in advance and transported to my office. That’s a shit ton of fruits and veggies. Casey kicked in to juicing gear, and I got myself and the toddler ready for work and school. 45 minutes later I walk in to the kitchen and there is Casey, covered in kale bits, my counter and floor splattered various shades of green, and a glass with a half inch of juice. This was going to take awhile.


After the first round though, things got better. We found our groove. Got into our juicing routine.

Days one and two were the worst. That’s when I was the most hungry and tired. By day three, I was feeling good. Good enough to go to the gym and work out with my trainer. Day four, today, I felt fantastic and was able to squeeze in a yoga class. Day five, tomorrow, is our D Day.

We are going to look and assess whether or not we want to go all seven days because, hello, weekend.

I’ve been posting pictures of my breakfast on Facebook every morning, mainly to gross out my friends. I will spare you the visuals, but you go ahead and imagine what something would look like if this was the main ingredient:

Awww ya. Wheat grass. Breakfast of Champions and billy goats everywhere.

Awww ya. Wheat grass. Breakfast of Champions and billy goats everywhere.

Overall, I’ve been managing without solid food very well. I haven’t been cranky, I haven’t attacked anyone for their food, I haven’t fired anyone at work, I haven’t challenged anyone to a yoga fight – I am making this juice cleanse my bitch.

If you’re interested in learning more, we are doing a hybrid of The World’s Biggest Juice Detox and ReBoot. Even if you don’t want to do a juice cleanse, having a juicer in your life is a good thing, and I highly recommend it.

It will be interesting to see if we tap out tomorrow or suck it up for all seven days. Guess we’ll have to see what happens!

Yours in micro nutrients,



9 responses »

  1. Name drop what what!!

    Go the whole weekend – you can DO it!!!!!


    Sent from my iPhone

  2. Believe it or not, I’ve been a juicer for a long time. I was probably at my most physically fit when i was making a ton of veggie juice (but still eating meat). It was awesome.

    I’m giving paleo a shot … found I like it a lot so far. Incorporating juicing into it. So far, it’s been all win.

    If we both keep this up, we won’t recognize each other when our paths cross again! 😉

  3. Have seen both of those films! Fat, Sick…got me to buy my juicer last year and I did it for a while but the clean-up was a PITA. I have my little magic bullet (the BLENDER) now to make my protein/veggie/fruit/almond milk smoothies in the AM, and get along better with timing before work. I still have my Jack LaLanne power juicer but have it offered up or sale at the moment.

    • Our Jack LaLanne juicer DIED this morning. I am NOT HAPPY. What good is a juicer that can’t handle, you know, juicing!!

  4. I think this actually sounds kinda neat. But I think I’d miss chewing. Sometimes I crave a texture even more than a taste. (Please tell me someone else knows what I mean and I’m not some freakshow who needs crunch fixes!)

  5. Go Bethany, GOOOOOO!


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